We talked to Quentin today. Sean explained that I would need medicine to make sure all the “bad things” were gone after my surgery, and that the medicine causes some weird side effects. He talked about me potentially feeling sick to my stomach, tired, etc, and that the WEIRDEST side effect was that I would lose all my hair. Quentin busted out in laughter, but only until he realized we were being serious about that one. He is very worried that I will “look creepy” without hair. I told him I wasn’t happy about it either, but that I probably wouldn’t be walking around bald a whole lot (at least at first). We’ll let him get used to creepy mommy with the hats and then he can get used to creepy mommy without hats. We talked about scarves, and hats, and the wig. We told him tomorrow I’ll be going to get a pretty short haircut, and would come home with hair dyed in some fun colors. To be fair, he was just as upset about the idea of a drastic haircut as he was the bald factor. I would like to remind you of this video, taken when he was maybe 2, and I got a haircut that was nowhere near as drastic, but shorter than usual. It’s worth copying into your browser, I’ll wait.
This is what I’m working with, friends.
Luckily, I know kids are resilient, and that he will get used to the new me no matter what I look like. But damn, it was hard to see him cry about it and say he’s worried I’ll look scary, and that he’ll “just have to snuggle with daddy instead”. From the time I first thought about chemo, my number one fear about it was that Quentin would be scared of me during it. Hopefully my fears will be unfounded after the initial shock wears off. Hell, I don’t think I’ll be spending a lot of time looking at myself in the mirror bald. ‘Cause yikes. That’s creepy.
We have a good kid. He was sweet about the fact that I wouldn’t feel well, and asked some really good questions (though, “do you have cancer?” was not one of them, which really surprised me). If he comes around to that at some point, we will be honest. He wanted to know if he would have the same thing happen to him when he grows up. He also wanted to know what to tell his friends if they see me with no hair. At the end of it all we spent time snuggling together, and he told us thank you for telling him what was going to happen. He REALLY likes to know what to expect, and the unknown is very unsettling to him. Like mother, like son.